mm-dd-yyyy
Mr. Joe Smith
Features Editor
Los Angeles Times
City, State, Zip
Dear Mr. Smith,
One fascinating Packard Bell employee is defying the odds, proving that sight is not always needed to be the best at your craft.
Doug Rose, sightless since his childhood, is a self-taught electronics wizard who is one of Packard Bell's leading technicians -- using Braille and voice recognition software to tell him what is on the screen.
Not only does Rose memorize the information -- helping him to identify the issue at hand, he uses his other senses as well. Rose listens for certain sounds that the PC makes, allowing him to diagnose certain problems -- often times correctly.
Rose's desk looks just like all of the other employees, aside from the few pieces of extra equipment which allow him to do his job so well. Visitors are even allowed to hear him in action as he takes calls -- many of whom never knowing Rose is blind.
Doug Rose is an extraordinary human being and employee who has exceeded all odds despite his disability.
I hope to be in touch soon to discuss a possible interview. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Russell Mikols
1 comment:
Your lead doesn't grab me. If I was the editor, being told that this guy was "fascinating" would turn me off. I'd tend to think, "I'll be the judge of that!"
I'd also drop that "extraordinary human being" sentence -- too "in your face." If you've done your job, the editor will be able to figure that out.
Paragraphs 2, 3 and 4 work better. In fact, you might want to consider starting out with a scene-setting lead using some of this info. Show the guy at work, then explain the situation.
often times correctly? That doesn't sound very impressive. How about "usually"?
Good closing graph.
17/20
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